


Rebuild

by itainthardtryin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, this is just a load of angst that's been in my head since the finale so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 01:49:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3551555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itainthardtryin/pseuds/itainthardtryin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke goes to Polis to tell Lexa that the Mountain Men are gone. Then, she breaks down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebuild

“It’s over, Lexa,” Clarke tells her. She never breaks eye contact with Lexa, even though she can feel Indra’s gaze bore into her mercilessly.

 

“She lies, Commander. She cannot be trusted.” Lexa remains silent for a few more moments. “Commander,” Indra says, growing irritated. “We have saved our people, our battle is won. We don’t need the alliance anymore.”

 

“Silence, Indra,” Lexa says. “Let me have some time alone with Clarke,” she tells her.

 

“Commander,” Indra starts, but Lexa cuts her off.

 

“Now,” Lexa says, her tone threatening. Indra eyes Clarke up and down, taking her in, before reluctantly leaving the room. Only when they are alone does Lexa speak.

 

“Tell me what happened.”

 

Clarke tries her best not to let emotion get the better of her. “I killed them. All of them. I pulled the lever, and the radiation took them.” She swallows, trying to maintain her composure.

 

“The threat from the Mountain Men is no more?” Lexa asks for clarification.

 

“There were no survivors,” Clarke tells her, and her eyes begin to fill with tears despite her trying hard to stop them. “I killed them all, Lexa. Everyone. Children. They were innocent.” Clarke can’t help it when she starts crying.

 

“You were a leader, and you saved your people,” Lexa reassures her. “Without your actions, your people would be dead.”

 

The ease with which Lexa speaks about death angers Clarke. “No! I’m done talking about _my people_ or _your people_. We are _all_ people, Lexa. People should not be disposable!”

 

“It is easier when you have no attachment.”

 

“No, it isn’t! I didn’t even know them, but my friends did. Monty did. Jasper… he… he was in love with Maya and I took her away from him. I didn’t know them, Lexa, but they did.”

 

“You can’t hold this all within you, you have to let it go, Clarke. It will be the death of you if you don’t,” Lexa tells her, advancing forward and closing the space between them. Clarke can’t tell what Lexa is thinking and it frustrates her.

 

“Sometimes I think death would be better than this,” Clarke admits in a quietened tone. She looks away from Lexa, the weight of her admission too much to bear.

 

She feels Lexa’s touch on her face. Her hands are gentle for someone so powerful. Lexa brings Clarke’s head up, reconnecting their gaze. “And where would that leave me?” The question doesn’t lessen Clarke’s anger, only adds to it. She pulls away from Lexa’s touch.

 

“You? _You_?! You left me when I needed you most! You walked away from our alliance, when I needed your help. If you had stayed, if you hadn’t been so… so… selfish, and taken their deal, none of this would have happened!”

 

Lexa is taken aback by Clarke’s anger. Everything Clarke’s wanted to say, all her built up emotion, is finally making her way to the surface.

 

“I did what I had to do,” Lexa tells her. “To protect my people.”

 

Clarke scoffs. She’s reached the end of her patience. “And yet again we’re talking about your people. Lexa, too many lives have been lost by our hands. I killed Finn,” Clarke barely manages to choke out. “I killed him, because killing him by myself was a better death for him than how you would have done it. Blood would have been on our hands either way. How can you remain so heartless? So detached?! Lexa, this is destroying me!”

 

Lexa studies her for a moment, trying to form a worthy answer. “I’ve lost hundreds of people from my army. Friends; the only family I’ve ever had. Too many people have been taken from me at once to comprehend. One life is easier to mourn than one hundred.”

 

Clarke stills for a second and truly looks at Lexa. She can see the weight on her shoulders, the emptiness in her eyes. “You care too much,” Clarke states. “You shut yourself down because if you didn’t-”

 

“I wouldn’t be able to go on,” Lexa admits, and Clarke wonders how many people, if any, have ever received this level of honesty from the Commander. “This isn’t over, Clarke. The Mountain Men are only one threat that this world holds for us. There will be others. There will be evils we cannot imagine.”

 

“And that doesn’t scare you? That doesn’t want to make you run?”

 

“I refuse to run from any battle. We’re strong. We have survived this long,” Lexa says. Clarke doesn’t back down.

 

“You’re just a kid, Lexa. Like me, like everyone who came down on the dropship. Do you know what people our age did up on the Ark?” Lexa shakes her head. “We played chess, we read books, we danced to music.”

 

“Earth isn’t the Ark. Life is different down here. Things are not as simple.”

 

“But it can be. You say there will be other battles to fight. But until then, why don’t we enjoy life. We are not on this planet to kill each other. We are here to live.”

 

Lexa sees through her words. “What do you want, Clarke? Why did you come here? To rebuild the alliance?”

 

Clarke doesn’t hesitate. “Not yet. I wanted to ask you for a favor first.”

 

“Go on,” Lexa says, her interest rising.

 

“I want to go back to Mount Weather.” Lexa’s eyes widen in shock, and then narrow in confusion. “I need to give those people a proper end to their lives. I can’t have them rot where they fell. I need to do this.”

 

“My way or yours? Fire or earth?” Lexa asks.

 

“Either. Both. I don’t care. I just need to know that I didn’t just leave them there. That I did something good for them.” Clarke’s eyes are pleading.

 

Lexa’s gaze is unwavering. She can see the desperation in Clarke’s eyes. There is a moment of hesitation, and then-

 

“We leave at sunrise.”

 

 


End file.
